Healing Garden World
Newsletter, January 2013
Carolyn Agosta
Copyright 2013
It’s amazing that 2012 is over. The planet is still rotating around the sun. Humans and animals seem to be generally surviving the huge transformation we have just made it through – actually completed on December 23, 2012. This marks the end to a 26,000 year cycle for the planet and the beginning of another. It’s an exciting time for all of us – more on that later. This past year has been a challenging one for me personally. My husband keeps saying that it was so huge we “should” send out a Christmas (well, Christmas is over), New Year’s (um, that’s past too), how about Valentine’s Day letter? A letter to share what we have gone through.
The year began peacefully enough … at least January. Early February brought an inordinate amount of snow, breaking all kinds of local records. It was February 6th and I had just finished shoveling (again – my early morning exercise). I came in the house to a ringing phone, kicked off my boots and ran to answer. (Why do we/I do this? Most of us have caller ID, can press *69 and discover who called instantly.) Not me, I ran for the phone. There was a piece of paper on the floor and I hit it perfectly, crashing to the floor doing the splits (which by the way, I have NEVER been able to do). I heard a pop and felt a pain that I cannot compare to anything I have ever experienced. Writhing on the floor in pain for several minutes, I was yelling like a banshee.
Crawling the rest of the way to the phone, I called my office where a plethora of doctors were. I knew I needed help. They arranged an x-ray for me close to home. Calling my neighbors, I got someone to drive me. I fell at 8 AM and by noon, I’d had a series of x-rays, a treatment by a wonderful osteopath, Dr. Dave Zarou, and an MRI – where they found that I had totally severed the ligament on the left leg that holds all the hamstring muscles to the bone – ouch!
By 8 PM that night, the best surgeon in the city (I am told) for this trauma (which by the way is rare – usually a snowboarding accident, rather than a kitchen floor accident) called me and I had an appointment with him for the next day. Less than 10 days later I was operated on to reattach the severed ligament. (By the way the implants used to reattach cost $1500 each – there were 2 of them.) The doctor, Raj Bazaz, said he had fun doing the surgery because my ligament was so flexible it went right back to the bone (thank you to my daily yoga practice!).
The next 3 months meant very little movement as the ligament was in the process of growing back to the bone and my leg was in a brace to keep me from bending in any way. The wonderful CCT teachers (part of my family now) did sessions for me using charts, over the phone, in person. I am so grateful to Crystalline Consciousness Technique™which has been my “life-saver” through this year – I don’t know how I could have gotten through the year without it!
My fabulous mother-in-law, Marguerite, came to stay with me while my husband was gone for a week. She fed me, bathed me and tucked me in at night. I felt loved and nurtured, totally cared for by her and all my friends and neighbors who continued to support me/us through this. It was a mixture of heaven and daily challenges. Being horizontal made reading difficult, so I watched movies I’ve wanted to see, talked to friends who visited, gave phone sessions and thought a lot. It gave me the time and opportunity to forgive myself for running to the phone. I felt amazingly peaceful during my healing process. My body is still recovering though I returned to yoga in April – gently and slowly. In October I began taking Zumba and am having the time of my life – 3 classes a week – my hamstrings are still learning how to move all over again – it’s been a most amazing gift for me personally.
In May, two major events happened. My husband’s PSA (an indicator of prostate health) shot up from 6 to 10 (in only 4 months) and a biopsy was recommended. And my 92-year old mother said she was ready to leave her home in Detroit and move to Denver to be near 3 of her 8 children.
By June 4 we learned that my husband had advanced prostate cancer, outside the container and my mother arrived in Denver to stay at our home for 4 days until her apartment at assisted living was unpacked. The summer was spent with my mother falling 3 times and breaking tailbone first, then hip. My husband went on hormone suppressant therapy which essentially throws a man into male menopause. And with all of that, we managed to enjoy our summer- sailing in a sunfish and kayaking on the little reservoir near our home, gardening, BBQs with friends, family and neighbors. And in between running to the hospital to help mom with her crises.
In July and August Bill’s daughters and granddaughters came out to visit their dad and see how he was doing. It was a fun and sometimes whirlwind time for us. It was also the first time my surgery site (on my lower butt) saw the light of day, so to speak, as we went to the local pool often.
In the fall Bill began radiation treatments – 5 days a week for 41 days. In the middle of those, we “ran away from home” for 5 days going to gia combs-ramirez’ family ranch in Ennis, Montana. We took a class called Healing the Horses: healing yourself. For 3 days we “worked” with horses – truly wonderful creatures. It changed my life and changed, at a deeper level, how I see these amazing creatures with whom we share the planet. Bill and I had fun driving the 10/11 hours up and back and being with each other without phones, internet or family. The women on the ranch (all CCT teachers) made a beautiful dinner for us one night. The entire weekend felt like such a huge gift of Love and nurturing for each of us.
The other major event in the fall is that I performed the wedding ceremony for my beautiful niece and her new husband. It was a delightful, rich experience, watching them the days prior to the wedding as they handled all the little pre-wedding traumas with grace and ease. It was a fun event, one I wouldn’t have missed for anything!
The year ended with mom taking another fall while in rehab and breaking her clavicle. As the doctor said, it was the best way to break a clavicle as the two ends were still touching – so healing will be much quicker as a result. I wonder how many more falls her weak little body can take. I wonder how long she will be with us. My relationship with her had been tumultuous while growing up and over these past 6 months it has softened, flourished, come to a place of peace and balance. No guilt. No combat. Now her battle is with herself and I wish her the healing and transformation that she needs to do whatever it is she needs to do. I hold the container, watching and listening, knowing it’s her life to live.
And actually the same is beginning to happen with my husband. I still am triggered more easily with him AND I realize, it is his life and his choices to make. There are things he “should” be doing to support himself and there is nothing I can do except be here, hold the container for him to do whatever it is he needs to do. His PSA numbers are low and no one really knows what that means for the future … one day at a time.
And amidst all of this, I am happy, excited, feeling the shifts and changes of the planet, observing myself and observing those around me. This year is rich with potential and I am ready for the unfolding of it all. What is there for me? While supporting others, I know I am responsible number one for me: continuing to heal my hamstrings, to eat healthy and yummy foods, to exercise, to teach classes, to have fun and to live my life to the fullest, to stay/be conscious, to allow others their process. I want to feel my Joy from deep within me, no matter what is going on around me. I want to be in the vibration of Love and Gratitude always. Period.
Wishing you a year of possibilities, of dreams coming true, of magic. Follow your heart. Trust your instincts. And above all have fun!
Blessings, carolyn